where am i headed?

this is the eternal question and it fulfills me with so much fear. i really find it hard to live in the moment and plan well enough for future decisions. i just feel like i'm in a tug of war all the time with the opposite sides pulling towards stability and anarchy. i fall back to good old stability because it's like an easy chair. you can sit there and watch the world go by. maybe a labyrinth would be a better metaphor. i really don't know.moving this towards the concrete, how does this apply to my life right now? i can buy a house or not buy a house. sell the place i'm in or rent it out. simple choices with different consequences, the delorean is really needed sometimes. i really should enjoy life and not take things too seriously. i find that sooooo hard to do at times.

i've enjoyed my time at work this year, it really has been so busy that i haven't much time to think like this. there is always something to do and the constant engagement with students is demanding. kids at that age mainly live and i'm in awe of that. there are kids that live life far too seriously, thankfully they're in the minority. the staff are fantastic at the school and they've helped me so much. their skills provide something for me to aspire to me in my teaching ability and it's wonderful to be challenged in that way. i'm looking very forward to my trip to melbourne over the school holidays and have some fun. i hope the new library will be finished by the end of july. then it is on for something else to occupy my mind.

the next entry i write will be a fun one, all these obtuse ones are a bit of a downer.

the deep deep end of a long weekend

sometime you have the funniest days, i used to bitch about my stomach on myspace a bit because that was when i was feeling sick a lot. i only occasionally have sporadic attackes nowadays. so let me broadcast my embarrassment all over the internet. we ate at sandrino's for alex's birthday tonight and this is a pretty good restaurant. the food was great, but unfortunately i couldn't eat it. i ate one slice of pizza, struggled with it for a while and had to go to the toilet. it's bad because my last two turns have been with a group of people who tend to get alarmed, i get scared as well, but i've sort of learnt how to deal with it. i think i've got to eat more during the day and i can usually avoid any problems. the joys of living.

i've got a breakfast for my cousin tomorrow, who is going to set said around the world, so that should be interesting. i'll assemble the wardrobes in the afternoon and then i'm jamming with glenn on monday morning. then we are going to alex's dad early on monday arvo to play mahjong. i need to kick back sometime, life gets out of control if you don't hang on the ropes. i probably shouldn't be listening to 'heartbreaker' by ryan adams at the moment, but it's a perfect lonely saturday night chilling at home record.